Stardate 65186
She said that during a scary movie, she grabs whoever’s there.
But if SHE were grabbing ME, she’d see I really care.
I wouldn’t be hard like jocks with muscles
Who make there moves, and always hustles.
Gentle and kind I’d calm this girl down.
Then she’d look up, and love would be found.
Yes! That’s what I’ll do. That is my plan.
Two movie tickets, then I’ll be the man!
But wait! No, I can’t. She’ll suspect such a rues,
And a date of us two she won’t even amuse.
So I’ll bring friends. That’s simple to fix.
Scary movie’s no prob with others to mix.
But it’ll be scary. What if I jump?
What if my arms flail and give her a bump.
I can see it now. They’d cart her away
To the hospital where the doctor would say,
“You hit this girl? You started this fray?
I’m calling the police. Boy, you will pay.”
And he or the cop would know of her pop,
and… no, this must stop. These thoughts they must stop.
I could wear glasses then I won’t see
Anything, that in sight, would tend to scare me.
Are stylish glasses all that I need
To win the girl and ride off on a stead?
No… She’d get suspicious if I don’t where them to read.
I got it! Sunglasses!!! No, that’d just be weird.
I may as well go uni-bomber with hood and a beard.
3D glasses! But they’ll screw up my eyes.
It might be worth it… But let’s compromise.
Spray paint each lens. Then I won’t see.
Then she’ll be free to just cling to me.
But won’t she ask if the movie’s 3D?
I’d have to say no… But the glasses are cool.
They enhance the movie like techno new school.
But the glasses aren’t cool. I look like a geek.
And then she’d probably ask for a peek.
And “techo new school”… that’s just weak.
I see now how this date will go.
I’ll invite many friends and she won’t even show.
Or if she did, during the movie I’m sure that I’LL jump,
And grab onto her, scare her right off her rump.
Then she’ll land on the guy from the side where I’m not,
And discover that really, she rather likes that spot.
Then scary would happen, and I’D grab HIS hand.
I’d be the laughing stock all over the land.
Then I’d leave erked that these thoughts ever lurked.
Stardate 65205.4
Oh my… It worked!

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Two great anthems for the socially awkward from one great cd.